Ben has two frogs. (I'm sure i've talked about them.)
their names are Herbert and Little Scholar.
Okay, i'm lying to you. Herbert does not technically have a name. see, Ben doesn't name things right off--it takes him for freaking ever. Little Scholar didn't have a name for MONTHS, and we didn't know what to call him. he was just "the frog" (he's so cute. he's a dumpy tree frog.)
."Make your stupid frog shut up!"
"the frog jumped out of the bowl you had him in, and is happily croaking away in Mom's bathroom."
"I put the frog on Micah's head and he screamed like a little girl."
"Can i hold the frog?"
so we were all kind of surprised when one day, out of the blue, Ben was like, "His name is Little Scholar."
Us: ..............
Ben: i just decided this morning.
Us: you've had him for months.
Ben: Yeah. but i finally decided i like his name.
Us: okay....
so when Ben decided to get Little Scholar a friend, i put my foot down. i refused to wait months for a name for the new frog. so the moment i saw him, i picked him up, stroked his back, and said, "Hello, Herbert!"
Ben: his name is not Herbert.
Me: whatever.
Micah and Mom: we like Herbert.
Ben: HIS NAME IS NOT HERBERT.
Me: Right, whatever.
Guess what name even Ben calls him, even though he insists that it is not his real name?
If you said Herbert, you deserve a cookie. if you said anything else, you deserve a raised eyebrow and a cookie, because you're going nowhere in life (Or possibly everywhere, depending on the amount of sarcasm).
sorry about the tangent.
anyway, Ben has these two frogs, and he just discovered that Herbert is a cannibal.
And he might eat Little Scholar if he gets too hungry (Even though Little Scholar is MUCH bigger than Herbert).
Now, you must understand. Yes, my brother is twenty years old. yes, he has had many pets. but if Herbert eats Little Scholar, while Ben will be impressed, he will cry, and hate Herbert forever and ever. By forever and ever, i mean until he kills Herbert. Ben loves Little Scholar.
Think i'm joking? he researched it. Herbert is a Cuban Tree Frog. His kind are currently invading Florida. (Apparently, some people there are under the impression it's one of the plagues. that made me chuckle. Frogs is number two, by the way. when did the water turn to blood? Next is lice. don't try on any hats at the store, okay?) The people in Florida are taking care of it, though, the humane way. they catch as many frogs as possible, put them in ziplock bags, close the bags, and PUT THE BAGS IN THE FREEZER. (OMG, what?)
that's the humane way?
whatever. Ben says that he would rather be smashed with a rock, as opposed to what sounds like a slow, painful, chilly death. (He doesn't like cold any more than i do.)
also, he has told me that if Herbert eats Little Scholar and doesn't choke in the process, he plans to put Herbert in a ziplock bag and throw him in the freezer. i have offered to take Herbert off his hands. now i have to buy a frog lamp, so that i can remove the threat to Little Scholar (And get my own frog! ADORABLE!)
Now, for my next story. this relates, i swear, wait until the end.
So, yesterday was Shankfest. (YAY!) I think they called it something sensible, like "An Evening with Joshua Shank", but come on, people, how often am i known for being sensible?
anyway, i don't mind going to school for choir stuff. so we wandered inside, and i was immediately assaulted by Logan. (i wish he were my brother. he can act like a jerk, but i really see myself in him. i understand him better than most people, and more importantly, he's got such a great heart. i adore him. it's actually a good thing he's not my brother. i already spoil him. think how much worse it would be if we were blood related... whew.) but he gave me a big hug, and then we wandered into the auditorium. (fun fun fun!)
all the choirs sat in the front. also, we got to use the shell. (love.)
(Quick side note. i'm sorry. i was calling Danielle. do you know how weird it is to hear your voice on other people's answering machines? it's weird. i've recorded fun answering messages for a couple of my friends, and whenever i call them and get the machine, i'm like woah, that's me.)
okay. so, i don't know if you remember from my post way back in December, but Joshua Shank is my hero, and i was pretty darn excited to meet him. Remember the evil plan? yeah, i followed through. (i'm such a sad, sad little person.) i wore my Decemberists shirt. (Y'all know how hard it is for me to talk to ANY new people, let alone people i admire. Joelle, i see you nodding your head in agreement. thank you.) i'm... glad? to say that it worked. he talked to me. i talked back without saying anything completely stupid. (I said completely, i didn't just say stupid.)
well.
he (Joshua Shank) asked me to read the poem he used for Spring, before we sang it. (there was much geeking out at the lunch table. Maggie was giggling like a little girl, and Hannah kept telling me she was jealous. I'm proud to say, truthfully, that i didn't freak out... much. =] (The lack of freaking out may or may not have been due to the fact that there was an intense knot of nervousness growing in my belly. talking in front of people is not my forte.))
otay. so, the Blend sang. (You know how i feel about the Blend. lovelove.) it was gorgeous. simply splendid. and then we, the Madrigals, went up. We sang Go, Tell It On The Mountain. (I talked about how much i love that song in my Evil Plan blog, 'member?) Then we sang David's Lamentation. i don't know if i talked about it, but i adore that one, too. and then it was time for Spring. so i went up, and read, and managed not to shake and stutter and sound like an idiot. (you may clap, if you so choose. i will. -claps-)
and then we sang Spring. :D
and that's all i'll say about that (who needs to talk about a piece that beautiful?). because here's the funny part. (Not at the time. i honestly had no idea my face could be THAT red.)
As we were walking off stage, Bel Canto was up next, Joshua Shank walks up and hands me a folded piece of paper.
Him: this is for you.
Me: -in a state of utter confusion-
so i wandered off stage, opening the tri-folded piece of paper.
...
it was my blog. (this is the part where my Dad burst into laughter when i was telling him the story.)
all my boys in the Blend IMMEDIATELY knew something was up. i'm embarrassed easily, yes, but seriously, my face was so red my ears were burning.
he.
had.
read.
my.
blog.
including, ohmystars,myevilplan.
he knew. he HAD KNOWN. (and still talked to me?)
i knew exactly which post it was, too. the Evil Plan post. i felt like SUCH an idiot (red ears to the max. go ahead, laugh. he KNEW about my plan. DANGIT.). Yeah, i post online, but let's be honest, who reads this? not too many people, mi amigo. it's not even under MY REAL NAME.
so i went and sat on Elliot's lap, and switched pages. (there were two.) on the second page was a handwritten note that did NOT say, as i expected, anything to the effect of,
Caitie.
attached is a copy of the restraining order. i have kindly allowed you to participate in tonight's display, but if you come within fifty feet of me ever again, you stalker, i'll have you arrested. have a nice life,
Joshua Shank.
instead, it said that Google Alert had told him i had posted it. (and now, let's be honest, i'm worried it'll send him this. stupid Google, you traitor.) he read it, and said that he enjoyed the way i expressed myself. no restraining orders, no "you're a freak", he even signed it "with respect".
i'm feeling possessive of it right now.
You have to understand. i'm really not a stalker. really, i'm not. but where other people want to meet celebrities like Johnny Depp and Christian Bale, the only two people i have ever had the strong desire to meet, because i respect and admire them so deeply, are Joshua Shank and Garth Nix. (he's an author. he wrote Sabriel. Sabriel has held the title of my favorite book for a while now, which is hard to do.)
when i showed my friends though, they immediately were like, "HAHAHAHAHA! he thinks you're a FREAK!"
Ashley, God bless her, was like, "no, he said nice things."
I still had a pit in my stomach the size of an elephant. so i immediately went up and apologized, thanking him for not just calling me a freak.
and he thanked me. -read small amounts of confusion and disbelief-
and gave me a hug.
seriously, i'm ecstatic. still. (don't judge.)
Really. for someone as talented as Joshua Shank to tell me that i have "an immense talent"...
i don't even know how to explain it.
but i will say this. i'm still SOOOOOOO embarrassed. i can't believe he knew my plan! -facepalms- i'm such an idiot. :D
but i'm also strangely glad. (i mean, i am running the risk of him seeing this. Google, you traitor, i'll fight you.)
anyway. when i got home and Ben told me his plan for killing Herbert, my immediate response was 1) save him and 2) would you mind smashing ME with a rock?
and that's how this all ties together.
a few things before i go to sleep.
1) I told you all that we're doing Jesus Christ Superstar this summer, right? i suppose i neglected to post when Alison called me and informed me that yours truly will be playing the role of Mary Magdalene. i'm so excited (and nervous and anxious and OMG what if i do terribly? but mostly excited.). tell people. it's in July, i'll update you all, fear not. i mean, seriously, how long was it before i shut up about Godspell? (That's a trick question. i still haven't shut up about Godspell. :D)
2) I get to help put stuff away in the music library. :D
3) They didn't find out why i fainted. -rolls eyes- whatevs.
4) really, i'm sorry this is such a looooooong post. i just haven't been able to tell my stories today, and... yeah. but if you're reading this, you made it to the end. good for you!
5) also, i no longer desire to be smashed. i'm accepting it as good. :D
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